Batman V Superman is not a proud beginning to the DC Cinematic Universe

Batman V Superman Dawn of Disappointment Justice. 3 years of hype and the movie is finally here. Unfortunately all the hype is what ultimately leads to its downfall. It’s definitely not the worst superhero movie out there (go see X-Men Origins Wolverine) but it takes the task of establishing multiple characters for a brand new cinematic universe and fails on multiple fronts. Here is my review of the movie using a simplistic structure:

Story. Pros. Cons. Final Verdict.

There will be SPOILERS so if you don’t want to read that, leave now! Let’s begin.


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Story:

Alright so Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice is dealing with the aftermath of Superman’s first official appearance in Man of Steel. You know, the city destroying fight between Supes and Zod and the World Engine wrecking half the world? Yeah all that. Turns out Bruce Wayne was also involved in trying to save the people in one of his buildings in Metropolis. So Bruce now has a personal agenda against Superman. That’s the basis of the story, but wait there’s more! Lex Luthor is involved and and he wants to get rid of Superman cause he thinks he’s a god. But wait there’s more, there’s Lois Lane running around doing random  shit! But wait there’s more, there’s the public reception of Superman, oh he’s an alien, oh he destroyed/saved Metropolis. But wait there’s even more! Wonder Woman’s here! but wait there’s more, Batman’s here and he’s apparently been around for 20 years but just recently started branding criminals! But wait there’s more! Superman doesn’t like Batman and goes out of his  way to personally confront him. So as you can see, there’s lot of moving parts in this  movie that paves the way for a rather disjointed story  because in a 2 and a half hour movie, you can only tell so much.

Pros:

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  • Ben Affleck as Batman/Bruce Wayne. Holy shit was the internet enormously wrong about the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. He got sooo much shit when the announcement came it was crazyyyy. I’m more of the kind of guy that would rather wait for a trailer or shit, the entire movie to come out before I judge the decision and honestly I was in support after the first trailer. He killed it in this movie as Bruce Wayne and Batman. He was brutal, he was brooding, he was angry, he was everything you would imagine a Batman from the comics so that was awesome.

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  •  Gal Gadot as Diana Prince/ Wonder Woman. I was honestly mixed from the get go with the announcement as this chick as Wonder Woman. She wasn’t an established actress nor did she really look the part as one of the most famous superherorines ever. But in the very limited, time she was on screen, she was good. Even more good when she finally showed up in costume. She was fucking awesome with the hype music she came out with and I’m honestly sold on her as Wonder Woman. For now. Let’s see if she can carry her own movie.

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  • The action. The action was so friggin awesome. You had pretty much 4 action sequences, the Batmobile, Batman vs Superman, Batman vs Luthor’s Henchmen and the Doomsday fight. ALL of them were honestly awesome. Batman vs Superman had me shaking with excitement  considering Zack Snyder’s realistic take on Superman so I was a little concerned how he was going to portray a fight between a god and a human being. The Batmobile was sweet as can be, Batman vs the henchmen was incredibly brutal and so satisfying to watch and then the Doomsday fight was epic. When you could actually see what was going on.

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  • Jeremy Irons as Alfred. I don’t think anybody in the world had a doubt Alfred wasn’t going to be awesome which he was. So there you go.

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  • The cameos. Aquaman, Flash and Cyborg all had cameos during the movie which was freaking awesome. Really nice tease to the Justice League movie

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  • The music. Hans Zimmer makes good music, nuff said. Best piece was Wonder Woman’s intro and I think most people heavily agree with me on that part.

 

Cons:

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  • Superman. Dude had absolutely no personality. The only times he had personality was when he wasn’t even acting like Superman. That boils it down to about 3 moments.
  1. He threatens Lex Luthor after he tried to murder Lois Lane after he kidnaps her.
  2. During the Superman vs Batman fight when he begins to brush off Bats punches.
  3. When he asks Batman about Wonder Woman.
  • We didn’t even have Superman doing Superman things in this movie unless you count him saving Lois 3 times in this movie, one of the times her own stupid fault. The only other time we see him doing Superman things is during a montage with him saving a rocket, pulling a ship, saving people after a hurricane and saving a chick from a fire in a different country with  religious music in the background while political figures talk about his heroics and  whether or not he should actually be around. This movie takes place 18 months after Man Of Steel and not once are we actually motivated to side with Superman because it seems apparent that the public is either mixed or doesn’t like his existence even though he has a fucking STATUE in Metropolis. So when he dies at the end of the film, I was surprised because I didn’t think Zack Snyder was going to go that route but at the same time, I didn’t really care cause Superman was YET to be established as his own character within the general populace.

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  • Lois Lane. Why the fuck was an accessory character such a pivotal part of the story, I don’t know. She essentially pushes each major event of the movie forward with her existence which is  stupid in a movie titled BATMAN V SUPERMAN. She’s even relevant during the Doomsday fight because she decides to toss away the Kryptonite spear Batman was going to use on Supes into a fucking cavern and then has to go and try to get it back. I truly believe she had more  screen time than Wonder Woman which was a fucking shame because she was one of the biggest  question marks. One sign of bad writing is using the same character over and over again to push the movie forward. She might be the best damsel in distress ever.

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  •  Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. Was this even Lex Luthor? No it fucking wasn’t. He wasn’t a  bad character to really tell the truth but since he was named Lex Luthor it totally didn’t fit the character established as manipulative, power hungry, intimidating madman we know and love from the comics. This Lex Luthor was annoying, awkward, and apparently crazy as he has a breakdown near the end of the movie foreshadowing Darkseid showing up in the next movie.

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  • Batman killed at least 4 fucking people in this movie (think back to the Batmobile scene then think a bit about the warehouse scene). Why is he killing people? Has 20 years in Gotham pushed him over the edge? or has he been killing people this whole time. What the shit is going on.

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  • Multiple storylines. As I said before, there was a lot going on of the movie. Apparently after 18 months, the general populace still didn’t like Superman so it makes me wonder what exactly was Superman doing all this time that he still couldn’t get a good rep with the public. Lex Luthor is trying to kill Superman. Lex Luthor is also trying to kill Batman for some reason. Wonder Woman is in Metropolis trying to track down Lex Luthor because it turns out he has a photo of her from 1918. Lois Lane gets involved in some stupid ass shootout trying to do a story in fucking Africa where she ends up being saved by Superman. Superman doesnt like Batman’s brutal methods. Batman doesn’t like that Superman pretty much destroyed Metropolis. Alfred’s trying to convince Batman not to fight Superman because its suicidal. It’s all a giant mess of storylines that are somewhat related to each other but are told in such a disjointed way that it ends up more boring than interesting until the action finally starts.

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  • Shoddy writing. Superman’s identity isn’t too hard to find out since he’s aligned himself with Lois Lane since the beginning of his superhero career AND works at the same company as her but why wasn’t Lex given some lines to how he found out? How did Superman find out about Batman’s secret identity? How did Batman NOT figure out Superman’s identity? Why did the power of journalism give Lois the ability to be at both of the major fights in the movie? How did Lex even begin to start creating a monster using the Kryptonian ship? Why does the military have a ready to use at anytime Superman decides to send a monster to space nuke?

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  • The motivations behind Superman and Batman fighting. The trailers lead us to believe that the reason these 2 fight is a difference in ideology. Batman believes in punishing the criminals he apprehends and Supes is just like let’s stop them and arrest these guys. Batman has always been pretty brutal and Supes is the big blue boy scout. So the trailers make us believe that’s why they fight. Nope. It turns out Lex Luthor blackmails Supes into fighting Batman by kidnapping his mom and almost killing Lois and Lex goads Batman into fighting Supes by blowing up a capital meeting at Washington DC with Superman present making him look like he didn’t do anything to stop it from happening. Then they make up at the end by Supes managing to utter why he was fighting in the first place as Batman tries to kill him.

That’s. Soooo. Bad.

  • Zack Snyder. You don’t even get a picture bro. Dude is much more suited as a visionary director for one off movie. Like 300. Not a movie trying to establish itself AND multiple characters AND a future movie. I think he was just trying to do so many things at the same time and cram in so many things into the movie and it just didn’t work. A Batman vs Superman movie trying to establish the 2 title characters and maybe the possibility for a Justice league movie could have done way better but it just wasn’t because there was too much going on. The future scares me because he will be at the helm for Justice League and something tells me it will be more of the same because there’s even more characters involved in that movie and those characters have to share screen time with each other when there hasn’t been any character establishment. Justice League could prove to be a bigger mess and more flawed than Batman V Superman and that’s really saying something in a horrible way.
  • Editing. The way this movie was edited was just awful. As I said before, dis-including Bruce Wayne’s little drive through getting fucked the fuck up Metropolis (Superman and Zod fighting) and Batman getting shot at by police (I get the new cop was scared out of his mind but dude shot at him at least 3 times, does GCPD not work with Batman in some sense after 20 years?), the first taste of action we get is about 40 mins in with Batman’s Batmobile. So that’s a whole lotta talking until then. Then during both the Batman vs Superman and the Holy Trinity vs Doomsday, the action constantly gets interrupted by checking out whatever the fuck Lois Lane is doing. Stay focused on the action please.

Final Verdict:

I already feel this review might be wayyyy too long so I’m trying to condense it here. I pretty much didn’t like the movie. It was boring for at least 40 mins which is really bad in 2 and a half hour long movie about famous superheroes and it had a whole bunch of unnecessary things involved with it. Lois Lane was bad, Lex Luthor was horribly miscast, Superman had nothing going on with him to show that he was someone worth cheering for. The only saving graces in the movie was Wonder Woman being pretty cool, Batman being pretty fucking awesome, the music being great and the action being fucking awesome. Unfortunately that’s not how you make a good superhero movie. I think the formula for making a good superhero movie is simply this:

Good writing, good characters, good action. If you got that, then you got the key to life. Batman V Superman only had 1 out of 3. In baseball, that’s a batting average of .333 which is pretty damn good but when it comes to movies, that’s simply not good enough.

The next movie I’m seeing is next week, Hardcore Henry. Hopefully the first person movie experiment pays off because it looks like a lot of fun.

Thanks for reading. Catch you next time.

 

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